Day 147: Bill Cosby on Fatherhood 50/50

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If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right. -Bill Cosby

When I read this, I think of one Bill Cosby’s most famous sketches about chocolate cake. When left to fend for the children’s breakfast, he told his kids that they could have chocolate cake. The rest, well, doesn’t go down so well. I will let you see for yourself.

Sometimes as dads, we have to make decisions like this. We have a choice between cereal and chocolate cake, one choice that is practical that another choice that will make us more popular with the kids. In my experience, sometimes one way is best, sometimes the other depending on the situation. I wouldn’t ever feed my kids chocolate cake for breakfast but that doesn’t mean that I never do something fun and spontaneous for them.

Good luck all you dads out there, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

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Day 105: Galaxy’s Greatest Dad

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Shouldn’t it be “Galaxy’s Greatest Dad” or something?

My wife bought me this t-shirt for my last birthday, and of course I laughed a lot about it. It was also kind of sad in a way. Darth Vader could have been the world’s greatest dad if things had gone a little different. Then he turned to the Dark Side.  Even if he wore this apron, I bet no one had the guts to make fun of him.

The moral of this story is…don’t turn to the Dark Side.

Day 77: Bizarre Behavior

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“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
― Bill Cosby

There’s absolutely no way to predict what you’ll do to keep your kids happy. I’ve turned into a dragon, a monster, a clown, an acrobat, a chef, a movie critic, a chauffeur, a professor, an artist, a computer technician, a auto mechanic, and so many more just to keep my kids happy.

The only way to do that  is to let go of feeling self conscious. The great thing about kids, is that they don’t make fun of you, no matter how goofy you are, at least while they are little.

Day 70: Justice VS. Peace and Quiet

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“Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.”
― Bill Cosby

It’s funny, but it can also be a trap that we fall into. Sometimes it easier to do things for peace and quiet rather than taking the time to do what is best for our kids. It is easy to turn on the TV, and harder to figure out your kids’ needs and to spend time with them.

Maybe you could watch reruns of the Cosby Show together. Bill would approve

Day 63: End it With a Vowel

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“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
― Bill Cosby

Make them names that roll off your tongue. You will inevitably try to call them in order, and mix them up. My last three sisters all had a “K” sound in their names, which made things a bit confusing.

It’s true about vowels. Try it with “John”, “Chad”, or “Alexis”.

Day 56: Boys’ Father’s Day Jokes Part V

Source: http://boyslife.org/features/20917/20-funny-jokes-for-fathers-day/

Dan: I made a bad mistake today and gave my dad some soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.
Jan: Was he mad?
Dan: Yup. He was foaming at the mouth!

– Submitted by Daniel R., Dickinson, Tex.


Manny: How do you like the drum set you got for your birthday?
Theo: I love it!
Manny: Why?
Theo: Whenever I don’t play it, my dad gives me 10 bucks!

– Submitted by Alvin F., Union City, Calif.


Dad: Son, if you keep pulling my hair, you will have to get off my shoulders.
Tiger Cub: But, Dad, I’m just trying to get my gum back!

– Submitted by Ken R., Sparta, Mich.


Dear Dad,
$chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on

Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad

– Submitted by Jacob P., Orem, Utah

 

Day 49: Boys’ Father’s Day Jokes Part IV

Source: http://boyslife.org/features/20917/20-funny-jokes-for-fathers-day/

Jon: What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father?

Tom: What?

Jon: One’s a pop fly. The other’s a fly pop.

– Submitted by Jon W., Stroudsburg, Pa.

Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?

Voice: This is my father.

– Submitted by Mike I., Midland, Mich.

Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card.

Johnny: I don’t have it.

Johnny’s father: Why not?

Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

– Submitted by Tyler H., Blacklick, Ohio

“Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.

“Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied.

After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”

“Oh, nothing,” the boy said.  “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

– Submitted by Mark Y., Glendora, Calif.

A small boy was at the zoo with his father.  They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.

“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”

“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.

“ …Which bus would I take home?”

– Submitted by Gholson D. G., Gaithersburg, Md.

Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?

Science student: When my father sees my report card!

– Submitted by Michael H., Canton, Ohio

Joe: What does your father do for a living?

Jon: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.

Joe: Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Jon: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.

– Submitted by Jonathan W., Stroudsburg, Pa.

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”

A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.

“I work for 7 Up!”

– Submitted by Daniel C., Urbana, Ill.

A book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.

– Submitted by Aaron and Andrew M., Redondo Beach, Calif.

Son: For $20, I’ll be good.

Dad: Oh, yeah?  When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

– Submitted by Robby S., Putnam Valley, N.Y.

Pee Wee: What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?

Westy: Beats me.

Pee Wee: A POPsicle!

– Submitted by Philip K., Marshalltown, Iowa

Pee Wee: How is the baby bird like its dad?

Westy: How?

Pee Wee: It’s a chirp off the old block.

– Submitted by David D., Guyton, Ga.

Dad: How do you like fourth grade?

Son: It isn’t much fun.

Dad: That’s too bad. It was the best three years of my life!

– Submitted by Luke A., Tucson, Ariz.

Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?

Dad: No.

Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!

– Submitted by Steven F. II, Naperville, Ill.

Jacob: I have a lot of my dad’s genes.

Dave: Really? I bet they don’t fit.

– Submitted by David B., North Muskegon, Mich.

Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate.

Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!

– Submitted by Matt A., Bellevue, Neb.

Day 42: Boys’ Life Father’s Day Jokes Part III

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A book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.

– Submitted by Aaron and Andrew M., Redondo Beach, Calif.

Son: For $20, I’ll be good.

Dad: Oh, yeah?  When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

– Submitted by Robby S., Putnam Valley, N.Y.

Pee Wee: What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?

Westy: Beats me.

Pee Wee: A POPsicle!

– Submitted by Philip K., Marshalltown, Iowa

Pee Wee: How is the baby bird like its dad?

Westy: How?

Pee Wee: It’s a chirp off the old block.

– Submitted by David D., Guyton, Ga.

Day 35: Boys’ Life Father’s Day Jokes Part II

 

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Source: http://boyslife.org/features/20917/20-funny-jokes-for-fathers-day/

A small boy was at the zoo with his father.  They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.

“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”

“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.

“ …Which bus would I take home?”

– Submitted by Gholson D. G., Gaithersburg, Md.

Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?

Science student: When my father sees my report card!

– Submitted by Michael H., Canton, Ohio

Joe: What does your father do for a living?

Jon: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.

Joe: Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Jon: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.

– Submitted by Jonathan W., Stroudsburg, Pa.

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”

A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.

“I work for 7 Up!”

– Submitted by Daniel C., Urbana, Ill.